pregnancy

I didnt realize that pregnancy will make me so "not me" if you know what i mean.

I didnt realize that pregnancy will change how i function. Ignorant to the fact that my body is changing so much that is will actually effect the rest of my life. I imagined myself loving pregnancy, and not being sick. Oh how wrong was i.

I start my laundry, then dont finish it.
I start a project then walk away to rest.
I havent cooked a meal, like really cooked, since Oct.
My husband has done the dishes since Oct. (not really complaining about this one)
My husband has done ALL the grocery shopping because the smell of the store and the sight of all that food makes my stomach flip flop.
I can't find my camera battery charger and its driving me nuts!
I havent "done"my hair in weeks...

But...

This is all so exciting at the same time. We are having a baby, I still can't even wrap my thoughts around it. THis is all i have wanted for the past two years, and its here, I am pregnant. Still can't believe the Lord would bless us with this growing little human. IS it a boy or a girl? We still dont know, and i hope we will find out soon. What are we going to name it? What fabric am i going to choose to make all its bedding and fun stuff? (yes, this is a very common question in my head) Will this baby grow to choose Jesus as it's everything? Will we know what to do or say or how to react....? THANK GOODNESS we have Jesus! Thank goodness we can go in prayer to God to ask and seek and knock!! Even though our life is going to change crazily, I have peace knowing that God is in control of this baby. HE is knitting him/her in my womb and doing it so carefully and purposefully. Who knows how this baby is going to turn out, or if i will have a smooth labor or if the baby will be perfect....but i do know that God has us in His hands and won't leave us nor forsake us.

Every time i hear a story about a family losing its baby or having complications, i am brought to tears and prayer for that mother and father. I pray they know Jesus and can rest in His comfort. I just ache with the sorrow they much be feeling.

I cannot even talk or think about abortion, it makes me too crazy.

I already feel so protective over this little one. I tell people stories about what happened during an ultrasound and they comment on how the baby will be when he/she comes out, and its not always positive. It gets me a little bent...but i hold my tongue and laugh with them.... THis makes me wonder if i am going to be one of those mom's that thinks my child has no faults...oh I DONT WANT TO BE THAT!! Working on it now....

Ok enough rambling and journaling.. thanks for reading if you finished...and if you finished reading this, heres a fun fact: I absolutely adore reading christian fiction about the Amish....

HA!