Stopping.
I am finally listening.
I am taking a long break from my handmade shop.
This has been in the back of my mind for a while.
Like, a while.
I have been pushing it off, making it quiet.
But I just can't anymore.
I know that the Lord is telling me to stop.
I can see why. Clearly.
I am overwhelmed by the demands of being a wife, mom and shop owner.
Things are falling to the wayside. My house. Our grocery shopping.
I am burdening others because of this hobby.
And I know I am not doing my life to the best of my ability.
But it's more than that.
After talking with my dear friend Sara.
She helped me sort through my heart.
She helped me realize a few things.
For one, stopping, isn't all that easy.
Sure, technically it is...but emotionally, it's not.
I am hesitant to stop.
I have made myself known in this community, I have established myself a little.
And to stop means, I'm out. I am no longer going to contribute.
And that makes my heart beat faster.
Why?
Well, I have put a lot of value on what others in this community think of me.
I have used this community to build my self esteem and confidence.
Which is not all that bad, it's good to gain confidence in what you do.
But, I also noticed that I have relied on that affirmation too much.
It's almost like, if I stop, who am I?
Where will I get that fill of reassurance?
This is NOT where I should be getting my reassurance from.
I love you, I love handmade, I love all the friends I have made and all the customers who have so graciously chosen to spend their hard earned money on my product...
But...
My assurance in who I am, in my abilities, in my actions and how I live my life needs to come from The Lord, my Maker.
He is the only one that can truly fulfill all my needs, even the need to be wanted and liked and found worthy.
I need to bring my focus back to Him and seek Him to fill this need.
I think more than anything else, more then dirty dishes or no clean underwear or having someone babysit for me...is the fact that I have been relying too much on what others think of me. That has filled this need instead of my Lord.
So, all of this out there, on the table.
I am still having some hang ups.
Still don't want to let go all the way.
Still want to stay involved.
Still praying about my reservations and why I have them.
But, already, I am feeling this huge sense of relief lifted.
I feel like I can do life now.
I feel like I don't have anything competing with the Lord.
And it's utterly freeing.
I do want you to know that I DO NOT think that all moms or wives or women shouldn't have a handmade shop. NOT AT ALL. This is me, right now. This is my life. I am not judging anyone else. I think the world of handmade people and this is a reflection on what I am living out right now. And that is it.
Still keeping the blog around.
We are redoing our entry way, so I am excited to share all that with you.
10 comments:
I'm with you. It is hard to give up the affirmation of the community. Good for you for listening.
oh girl, i could have written every.single.word you just poured out here. the closing up shop, the neglecting of the house/family, the affirmation from the handmade community. every single feeling you're having, i've either written about or thought about writing... you're so not alone. i gave up about a year and a half ago too, because of the house/family (without even realizing how much i depended on the affirmation from others). only recently have i slowly made my way back in a way that was do-able for me, just because i found that i still needed a creative outlet. and you know what? first of all, nobody had forgotten about me. everybody is so understanding and gracious. but also it was a really good time to learn how God values me, my job as wife and mom, homemaker and cook, woman, His daughter. and then coming back was easier because that "acceptance" from everyone else didn't matter one way or the other, you know? it's such a wise thing that you're doing. it's SO hard at first but then it's amazing how light you feel, how much joy you can gain from serving your husband and daughter with excellence. plus we all already love you, just for you :)
sorry for the novel, i've just totally been here and hoped maybe my words could encourage you!!
I see a theme for 2012 in a lot of us "Listen" Kudos to you for doing just that. I truly feel you've made a name for yourself and if/when you decide to move back into the homemade community, your customers and peers will be jumping for joy and excited to have you back. I have wrestled with starting my own little homemade business, but realize there is SO much involved. It's not just making a product that is loved. It's networking and blogging and reinventing. With a new baby I was just not willing to give up anytime spent with him. I'm just glad I still get to following on twitter and instagram and your blog ;)
So proud of you for doing what the Lord has put on your heart and for doing what is best for your family and relationship with Him.
You are an amazing woman. Love you friend!
Holy cow! What an amazing thing to step out of your comfort zone and do what you feel God is telling you. Amazing. I'm so proud of you! Sad for myself, because who will make me super cool cowls now? ;) Seriously though, take the time you need, listen, obey and see what God is asking you to do today, next week, next year and in the future beyond that. You never know where He might take you. God's blessings are evident when we're obedient, I know that for a fact. Love you!
You're pretty much awesome. That is all. :)
Sometimes it is so refreshing to take a break and just listen. And breathe a bit.
And I totally agree with the affirmation thing. In exchange for staying home with our kids, stay-at-home moms give up the whole "career" thing, which is where we tend to feel productive, important, affirmed. It's hard to feel important when your toddler screams and kicks when all you want to do is change her diaper. Or when she pukes or sneezes boogars all over you. Or when you walk around in public all day only to realize that you've had a pea stuck to your butt since lunchtime.
I think that motherhood is a really hard transition and one that takes a lot of getting used to. Just remember that what you are doing for Kins--meeting her needs (whether they're physical, emotional, or spiritual) on a daily basis--IS important. Listening to the Lord and getting yourself in order will only benefit her and your other future children. They will have a better, more grounded mom, and that, my friend, is priceless.
Way to listen to what the Lord has told you to do. Taking this time to be with you Maker and family you will find more than you are looking for and once the Lord has completed his work in this time He will return you to your hobby with great ideas and joy.
Proud of you for taking this difficult leap. Praying for you during this hard time. Can't wait to hear what the Lord does for you during this time. Love you friend!
Hey I could have written that SAME post a few months back. Mine wasn't worded nearly as nicely as yours.
It's hard...hard to stop doing something you love.
I never wanted to work when my kids were little, but I justified working at home all for a status...you'll be okay. Its a rough transition, but your daughter will thank you for it later :)
I love you, and I admire you for doing this. I've had so many of these same thoughts lately, and it is a little bit scary. Proud of you for taking this step! ;)
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